Why 24 Is Going to Be My Best Year Yet
Another year has gone by, as they tend to do, and so yesterday I celebrated my 24th birthday. Two years ago I wrote about my birthday, about how I was healing and was, for the first time in awhile, looking forward to the next year. The first half of that year was pretty great. I graduated college and moved to Israel to work as a reporter. When I came back to the States, though, things started to go downhill. I had a job, but was laid off after the busy season. I found another job, but quit. I then accepted a job I probably shouldn't have, and quit once again. I've been unemployed ever since.
That year and a half was fraught with depression, anxiety attacks, dissociative episodes, suicidal thoughts, and the general feeling that life just wasn't worth all this hardship. I couldn't find a therapist I could connect with, my new medication gave me pretty much every side effect advertised, and after three sleep studies my neurologist still couldn't figure out why I wasn't sleeping. And, as I mentioned, no one in the state of Florida would hire me. I was a mess.
A few months ago, though, everything started to turn around. I met Lindsay Mack, who became my tarot mentor and good friend. I also started working with tarot more than ever before, and it was incredibly therapeutic. I also found a therapist who I instantly connected with, which, obviously, was also incredibly therapeutic. My doctor put me on a new medication that helped not only with my depression but with my migraines as well, and it didn't give me any side effects. I was learning to manage my depression and anxiety not just with medication but with behavioral changes. I had real tools to help with my mental health.
Then a month or so ago I made some big changes. I started offering tarot readings professionally, and I began researching herbalism so I could make my own line of teas and candles and oils and other herbal goodies. I got fed up with not being able to find a job, so I decided to become self-employed. I'm not making a ton of money yet, but that's ok; businesses take time to grow. Probably the most empowering thing, though, was that my therapist and I decided I didn't need to see him anymore. I didn't stop seeing him because he wasn't helping or because I gave up on myself. I stopped seeing him because I felt like I finally, finally, knew how to manage my mental illness.
Life is hard and, if we're lucky, long, but for the first time in a long time, I'm looking forward to the years ahead of me. I still have bad days, but they're just days now, not weeks or months or years. I still feel defeated sometimes, but I know that success doesn't come overnight, and I push forward. I'm doing what I love, and that makes all the difference.
I don't know what the future holds, but I'm feeling confident and strong and content. I've never felt this in-control of my life before, and that feeling has given me a whole new perspective. Whatever comes next, I know I can handle it. Here's to 24.