What I Learned in 2014 and Hope for in the New Year

What I Learned in 2014 and Hope for in the New Year | mysticsister.net

And now, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the obligatory new year post.

*drumroll*

(Seriously do the drumroll noise in your head.)

(Or out loud, if you want to.)

Ok, now that that's out of the way, let's get started.

2014 was a big year for me. I look back on every year and see how I'm different, but this past year I really started to figure out who I am and what I want from life.

This past February I went on antidepressants for the first time. That, more than anything, helped me grow more this year than I ever could have imagined I had the capacity to grow. It not like antidepressants are these magical pills that suddenly make you realize who your are, but rather they cleared my head so that I could see myself clearly for the first time in about ten years.

For about half my life I thought sadness and loneliness and helplessness were just a part of who I was. When I was younger I was made to believe my problems weren't big enough or scary enough to be classified as "real" depression. When I started seeing a therapist and taking meds, though, I realized I wasn't actually this lost and confused person. That was my depression. And when I started dealing with that, it felt like I now had all these opportunities in front of me.

I had to rebuild myself at first, and that was scary, but scary in a good way. I wasn't anxious about all the things I didn't know about myself or my life anymore. I realized that it was ok to make things up as I went.

With that realization, I moved to Israel to work for the Jerusalem Post. I'm going back home to Florida in a month, but my time here has been incredible. I realized I don't want to move away from home, which was something I thought I wanted my whole life. I figured out that I don't need a job right away. I have time. And I decided to go back to school and get a masters degree in creative writing.

All these things are good scary. I turned my life around this year, and in some ways I feel like I'm a completely different person that I thought I was for the past ten years. It's exciting, though. I finally feel ready to live my life in the present instead of constantly wanting to move onto the next stage of life, and that's how I plan to approach 2015.

2015 for me is not just a new year, but a chance to explore myself further than I've been able to in the past. I want to get healthier, both physically and mentally. I plan to start running and doing yoga more regularly as well as eating better. I also want to develop more of a routine so I don't feel like I'm just floundering around waiting for something to happen to me. I want to write more, and I want to publish some short stories and essays. I want to focus more on my fiction instead of just my journalistic work.

I can honestly say this is the first new year I've gone into with hope and happiness and excitement instead of trepidation and exhaustion. I am ready for 2015, whatever and wherever it may bring me. This is the year I take control of my life and live it the way I want to, not the way my depression dictates.

What did you learn in 2014? What are you hoping for in 2015? Let me know how your year went.