Therapy Can Be Whatever You Need It to Be
I recently stopped seeing yet another therapist. At first I thought maybe he'd be the one to help me, but as time went on I became more and more frustrated. He told me things I already knew and didn't give me good advice for how to make things better. So I left.
Cue the suffocating and debilitating pit of anguish and despair that is my unchecked depression.
I wasn't eating well. I was tired (more tired than usual, anyway) all the time. I couldn't stop crying. I thought about suicide a lot. I don't know if getting older has triggered an even worse depression than I had when I was a teenager or if maybe I've just built up some kind of immunity to my meds. For whatever reason, it's been a lot more difficult lately to manage my depression, and not having a productive therapeutic practice hasn't been helping matters.
The other night, though, I had a breakthrough. I had my first lesson with Lindsay Mack. Lindsay's an intuitive, tarot reader, and teacher. When I found her site and her Sacred Tarot School, I knew I had to hire her. I love tarot, and I've been wanting to dive more deeply into it for a while now. Lindsay offered me the chance to do that.
Our first lesson covered the tarot basics, and even though it was mostly stuff I already knew, Lindsay talked about it in a way that made total sense to me. She didn't just tell me things I already knew, she affirmed them for me; she showed me the way to begin to move through my depression rather than fight it.
I had been feeling terrible for about a week, and just that day I barely made it off the couch to eat the one meal I felt hungry enough to consume, but when I talked to Lindsay I felt lighter. She isn't a therapist in the traditional sense, but she is, without a doubt, a healer.
Tarot has always felt restorative to me, but until now I didn't realize how powerful it could be. I felt better after one session with Lindsay talking about the cards than I did after five sessions with any of my medically licensed therapists.
Depression is a medical, clinical condition, so I thought I need a medical, clinical solution. Depression is different, though, than, say, diabetes. I can't just take some insulin and be okay. I can, however, get in touch with my spiritual self. The spirit isn't quantifiable, like the chemicals in my brain that don't work quite the right way, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
It may not be a traditional solution, but I've decided to make tarot my therapy. I'm going to approach it as a tool, rather than merely a hobby. Whatever the reason, tarot helps me, and I'm not going to ignore that. I'm going to use it, and I'm going to find lighter spirits and brighter days.