PMS, Sleep Disorders, and Other Joys of Life
Do you ever wake up in the morning and just want to punch your hormones in their stupid hormone faces? Yeah, that's where I'm at right now. My body's always been super sensitive to everything: hormones, medications, body washes, piercings, you name it. I have big reactions to even the smallest things, and that goes for my period, too. I have terrible PMS, cramps, back pain, breast pain, emotional issues, and I can even tell you which ovary is dropping an egg that month because I get a cramp on that side of my body when I ovulate. I've had to take sleeping pills to fall asleep, and I've vomited from pain before. I haven't had as much trouble since I started taking birth control, but I still don't have an easy time of those two weeks.
This month has been especially difficult. I don't sleep well as it is, but on my period I sleep even worse. I have a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep, and waking up in the morning is like trying to open my eyes when there are giant cinderblocks resting on top of them. I spend my days like one of the walking dead, and then, irony of ironies, I spend my nights wide awake. My exhaustion then makes my hormone fluctuations even more difficult. It's like falling into mini-depression for two weeks every month. No motivation, no energy. Just irritability, an unpredictable appetite, and pain.
Life has been difficult lately. I'm still not seeing much success with tarot, and even though I know it will take time, the fear of failure looms constantly overhead. My grandma is doing better, but she hates staying at the physical therapy facility, and seeing her lonely and depressed is more painful than anything else I've been dealing with. I'm feeling stuck, and while I know all things move in cycles, I'm afraid of falling back into old thoughts and habits and not being able to climb out again. I feel like I'm always worrying about the same things but never making any progress.
I start bleeding next week, and, while my physical pain tends to increase when that happens, my mental pain subsides a bit. For now, I'm going to keep plugging along, even when it feels like I'm trudging through mud. I'm going to visit my grandma and spend time with my family and try to listen to everyone who tells me I'm not a failure and that things will work out in time. I'm going to drink my homemade sleepy time tea and let it knock me out so I can try to get some semblance of sleep. I'm going to keep writing about my struggles so that all of you who are also struggling know you're not alone.